Two Parental Concerns

     I have been a parent for over two and a half years.  Our daughter is wonderful, she makes me laugh and she also tests what little patience I have.  When she was born, I experienced what every new parent experiences.  The awe of witnessing your child entering the world and taking its first breath. And if you're a dad, trying not to stare at the afterbirth.  I don't have the stomach for seeing what is inside the body outside of it.  I know that stuff falls out, it's natural, I just cringe a bit.  And I tried not to see the doctor sewing up my wife after her episiotomy.  Holding my daughter was plenty of distraction.  A whole new experience was before me as were the questions I asked myself.  "Am I ready for this?  What do her cries mean?  How often do I feed her?" 
     And another question, "What if she can see ghosts?"

     Being closer to age forty than thirty, I am somewhat surprised I still have a fairly active imagination.  Yes, the thought passed in my brain about spirits being drawn to my baby.  Was there any reason to think that this was reality.  No, of course not, I came to the conclusion.  There was no supernatural or paranormal activity of any sort in the house the two years before our daughter arrived.  I never walked into a bedroom to find our dog staring intently in a corner, growling lowly at nothing.  No weird knocks or disembodied voices.  Lights in other room did not come back on after I turned them off. 
     The logic of my mind was broken by the thought of "Aren't ghosts attracted to children?"  They hide in closets and attics, right?  Only to appear when mommy and daddy are in another room.  Nothing had happened when we brought her home.  Any fears of ghostly activity were put to the grave.  Until my wife mentioned a few things.
     She mentioned three things in fact.  The first, voices in the baby monitor.  Not just from our daughter, but someone she said was having a chat with her.  Hmm, I said.  Interesting.  A bit spooky.  The sound from a baby monitor sounds like white noise mixed with a little static.  But very not very loud.  If any ghost voices were to be heard, they would have to talk loudly.  While the monitor was on I listened.  No, nothing ghostly.  That was written off.
     Second, and this is what kind of gave me a chill, my wife said, from the corner of her eye, she saw a shadow run quickly behind her and into the kitchen.  It was late at night and she was in the living room feeding the baby.  When she told what she saw.  I paused in my tracks and said something like, "That's awesome" and went into the kitchen.  No shadow there.  Now the third incident.
    Our daughter woke up hungry about three a.m. and the routine was for my wife to tend to her as I prepared a milk bottle.  The warmed milk would be brought to the baby's room where my wife sat on a rocking chair holding the baby who drank it quickly.  I left mother and daughter to lie down for a minute.  Upon returning my wife told me that she thought she saw a shadow in the doorway.  Not again, I thought.  Despite suffering from not much sleep, I quickly debunked her sighting.  Across from that room in the hallway is a laundry hamper and linen closet.  The doors are not painted white like the walls, but are darkly stained wood.  Someone who would be very sleepy would glance up and see what they think is a shadow person watching from the doorway.
     I chalked it all up to sleep deprivation.  An unrested mind can hallucinate.  Casper never paid us a visit and that concern vanished.  Besides, I have other things to be scared of: Dallas traffic at rush hour and career politicians.

     The other concern I have now, like ghosts, is also heard and unseen.  Flatulence.  She finds farts downright hilarious.  And when are they not?  Perhaps in church, court, and maybe during surgery.  Nothing makes her laugh quite like ripping a few.  The issue is that she does it and proclaims, "Toot!".  And in public.  The grocery store as well as the waiting room at the pediatrician.  It's all very unlady-like and cute at the same time.  But, where did she learned this habit?
    Obviously, it is learned and perpetuated from the mother.  I think that as a father I have a doody, I mean duty, to raise my daughter to be a respectable and well-mannered lady that will treat flatulence as a bodily function, not something to laugh at.  Even if the dog does it as he sleeps and inadvertently wakes himself up by doing it.  Is that funny?  Well yes, because he looks so puzzled at why he was suddenly awake.  That look of "What was that?" is awesome. 
    I can hope that as I change her next diaper and she lets one loose, she will outgrow the giggles.  If she is a lost cause, I do have a son that will be born soon and boys never laugh at farts.

P.S.-  The idea for the preceeding was probably funnier as an idea.  There's always next week.